what now?
There is a point in time where we must decide.
Being faced with multiple disconnection notices, unpaid bills and trying to feed my kids on $20 a week. There are moments where I question everything. The shame of not being able to take care of them the way I want to, and the way that I feel they deserve. It is heartbreaking, and some days hard to go on.
The shame of feeling poor and asking for help…that fucking sucks, because why are you where you are, why is it so hard, why does it feel so hard? Am I just meant to be here in this place forever, struggling, not even just getting by, I feel like everything is crumbling before me. Why is this so hard?
There is radical accountability for where you are and that also includes compassion for yourself. The struggles and the contrast are here for our growth.. right?! When it shows up we can be sure we’re about to grow, and we’re on the right path because this happens right before a breakthrough…right?!
The world can feel hard, and feel not fair, but where do I stop the complaining, the judging the blaming and take accountability for my life, because im the one living it. I am the star in my own show, doesn’t that mean I get to write the script too?
On my good days I know that anything is possible, I just have to look around and see all the abundance around me and I know that someone first created that in though and then it became a physical manifestation. I can totally do that!! Of course I can!!
On my bad days, I cry. I focus on what’s not going right and I think how the hell am I going to accomplish any of my dreams. I guess its just not meant to be for me…
ugh, can you feel that? Fuck that!!
I am deserving and so the fuck are you!! And let me tell you, I believe in you! know matter what struggle your going though, there is a way to come out the other side stronger, happier and fuck yes more empowered!! Why? Because I know this to be true.
Photographing Women for fifteen years, and reading tarot for three I have come to understand a few things. One..know one is immune to struggle, Two..know one is immune to self criticism, Three..Our work on self is never done!!!!
Whe we compare ourselves to others we are doing ourselves a huge disservice, and frankly it’s just mean! Do you want to be a mean girl, would you talk to your friend and children they way you talk to yourself? Yeah I didn’t think so…
I started this blog to be so transparent, raw and real because we need to be more aware of just how hard the work can be, and that there can be Joy no matter what. WE just have to be willing to look for it, to feel it and see it around us.
What’s the alternative? Shit, that’s what!! And we’re putting down that focus for more of what makes us feel good! Because that is what is going to help propel us forward! And I want you to live into your deepest desires, because I want the same for myself!
When you rise, I rise, so let's hop on this frick’n Joy train together mmmmk !!
Thanks for reading,
Big Love, Delain
